This has been a difficult post for me to write.  Not necessarily because its contents are personal of nature but its intentions seemingly found its way into my head and hovered darkly as an intangible cloud.  I do believe that it’s been called writer’s block.  That dreaded festering of thoughts that lay at the brink of perhaps being ingenious if not at least comprehensible.  With that being said, in lieu of a disclaimer, I will now allow you privy to my thoughts– though jumbled they may be.  Writing at 4 am will do that to ya.

“Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond our measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, fabulous, gorgeous, talented? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we automatically give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.”  – -  Nelson Mandela       

Out of sight, out of mind.  hmm… (think think think) I suppose that this can be referring to many different things and depending on the nature of that “thing”, I have different opinions.  There are certain problems that when not dealt with and thusly out of sight, may remain out of mind for the time being but always seem to creep their way back into existence at the most inopportune moments.  The same goes for breakups… just because you don’t see the person doesn’t necessarily mean they are out of your thoughts.  But when it comes to relationships in which the two are unable to see each other for whatever valid reasons or not (and I believe this is what my friend was referring to), it can go either way.  And I agree with the others that replied that every situation is unique and different depending on the couple in question.  Feelings can easily fade when you don’t see them often, but then again feelings can fade even when you see someone every single day.  At least this way you can be sure that you are not settling for the false comfort you get from just having someone there all the time.  Just take it one day at a time and when things get you down, just remember that you are powerful beyond measure.   
        

Decided to dust off my Nikon D50 and finally try out my new prime lens. Let me know what you think.

my little benjamin 

 
can I go back to sleep now

just leveling up 

one more hour, please?

qui and his nephews

 
see if you can find what’s special about this picture

Enjoyed a lovely din din with Anita and Justin at Sakura’s last night. I believe we spent more time laughing than eating. There are just some things that can trigger uncontrollable laughter such as …

the amazing herman book thrusting flambé !

… you had to be there. It’s sad that Justin always leaves us with a relieved, “thank goodness I never dated either of you”. To which, Anita and I continue with our giggling and ignore his silly comment.  We’ve also decided to take up a project to which I will name “color me line”. And here is our beautiful masterpiece:

So… upon attempting to make myself some hot chocolate right before bed, I plodded sleepily across the kitchen floor and the corner of the island came out of nowhere and hit me smack dab on the side of my ribcage. oof! was my startled reply to the sneak attack from the kitchen island as I continued on my merry way to fill my mug with steaming water. I must have been half asleep by then because it seemed that I poured it to the brim. Much to my chagrin, I had no choice but to use my last few remaining brain cells concentrating on walking without spilling anything. And of course, when Mimmie thinks too much… things never go as planned. Sighing now over the puddle that now serves as a new slip hazard for the klutz that I am, I made my way over to get a clorox wipey. This would probably be quite a normal story if not for the fact that when I reached down to wipe up the mess, I forgot I was still holding the mug in my other hand and the process of me bending downwards at an angle made me spill the remaining contents of what would have been my ticket to sleep. Empty mug in hand, I decided that I was done for the night and headed over to the sink. I then noticed my dog sitting knowingly at a distance watching my battle with the nightcap unfold before his eyes. He cocked his head to the side as if to say, “wait ’til I tell the labrador across the street about this one.”  ^_^*

movingOn.Close( ) ;

My coworkers will tell you that I have an affinity for food. The first thing I do when I get to my desk in the morning is IM everyone a simple greeting of good morning, i’m hungry. I don’t understand my extreme craving for food for I certainly don’t eat much, but if given the choice… I’d be happy to eat throughout the entire day. I guess what I like most about it is the sense of warm fuzzies you get eating and chatting with your friends. You get your fill of food and camaraderie all in one sitting. Sort of getting full in heart and stomach. To say the least, I love love love to eat.

_thursday.1.19.06

It was great seeing everyone again. I think Richard guh guh and I have made it a tradition to celebrate everything from Christmas to birthdays a month or two post date. That way we have something to celebrate all year ’round. That’s what great friends are… people who you can share that certain bond with no matter how much time has passed.

richard guh guh and i

the pot that feeds all

the liao (english translation: stuff you put in the pot that feeds all)

some more liao

the sha cha you dip the liao in

the bowls where you put the huo guo, liao, sha cha, rice, etc….

annie (who’s house we’re at) and her bf, justin (who i plan to make my photo sensei)

Hope everyone has a Happy Chinese New Year filled with prosperity, love, and lots of food!

“O, call back yesterday, bid time return”
- Wiiliam Shakespeare

They say that timing is everything. It distinguishes good jokes from the bad. It’s essential in science and holds the mysteries of nature. It even plays a part in when to buy or sell real estate. But these are not the things I will discuss today. What I will cover today is timing in my all too favorite subject, love. (hey, don’t think I didn’t hear those groans)

Ah yes, amore. ai qing. Call it what you want, it seems like timing is everything when it comes to love. Tied in with chance, it can bring two people together who just happen to meet at the right time. Timing can also affect love in ways that bring heartache and loss. Timing played a part in a story about a boy who didn’t realize what he had until he lost the girl. And then another story of a girl who needed some time to find herself and a boy couldn’t wait and just needed a little more courage to believe in something wonderful. And then we go into the story of yet another boy who is as courageous as a lion but unfortunately falls for a girl whose heart has already broken so that she chooses not to hear his roars. (oh my… somewhere there is a land of corn and I am their queen)

But is timing really everything? Or is it just something we praise when things go right and blame when things go wrong? How can you separate time and fate from just a bunch of coincidences? I don’t know the answer to these questions. All I do know is that no matter what, shit happens and we just have to decide what to do with the time that is given to us. (ok, I totally got that from Gandalf minus the curse word) And you know what? It’s 5:30am in the morning and I have yet to sleep for the night. Right now, I’m feeling… that timing isn’t everything. It may play some part to get you somewhere, but it’s really up to you to decide how you want the story to end.     

There is a time to open and a time to close. This is the time in which I close. “My heart,” you ask? Oh no, my friends. It seems that my heart is destined to pour out its contents no matter the consequences. What I meant is that it’s time to close this post. I opened with Shakespeare. I close with Benjamin Franklin.

“Lost time is never found again”
- Benjamin Franklin 1743  

I ventured out to my secret special place today and was inspired to write a little something. I’m neither a poet nor an artist, just merely a little girl armed with a nikon, a pen, and things on my mind. I hope you enjoy it anyways.

This Little Place of Mine

this little place of mine, I know all too dear
it knows my secrets, and it’s seen my tears
I go there often, to find my way
in life when everything seems to go astray

I’ll come here often to stand on the pier
it’s comforting to know that it’s always here
reminding me that things will soon be fine
this lovely lake, this little place of mine

What makes it so easy for people to take others for granted? This is not a complaint, merely an observation. It seems to happen to the best of us, whether we are the ones taken for granted or doing the taking. I know I’ve done my share of taking. Sometimes during arguments with my parents, in the heat of the moment I forget just how much they have sacrificed for me. I know I’ve taken for granted the time I had back then with my big brother, Jason being able to spend every waking moment with him watching anime and stuffing ourselves silly. If I had known what I know now, perhaps I wouldn’t have played so many pranks on him or used him as a convenient punching bag. Looking back, it does sadden me to say that I have taken a lot of people for granted. It seemed so easy to think that things are always going to remain as they are. And the worst mistake I made was to think that people will always be around as much as they are at the moment. 

I’ve also been on the other end, being taken for granted. One might think that this would be the short end of the stick, but I beg to differ. Yes, it sucks to be taken for granted. But it’s even more sad to be the one who can’t see how special someone is. Even if you never realize that you are taking someone for granted, the loss is definitely yours alone. For that person will always be special and without realizing that, you are at risk of losing what’s truly beautiful– another being’s faith and trust in you.

Why really is it that “taking for granted” so commonly occurs? Is it because humans are selfish in nature? Or are the lessons learned so valuable from experiencing both ends of the spectrum? The simple truth comes from hopefully taking this wisdom into our future relationships and perhaps changing our attitude towards our current ones. So my friends, I challenge you as well as myself to take a close look at the people around you (not literally or your coworkers might think you’re a perv) … and honestly take the time to appreciate the resounding fact that they are in your life. You might be surprised at how blessed you’ll feel when you actually see someone for who they are and how empty your life would be without their smile. 

I was trying to take a picture of my doggie and looky who got in the way. Mr. Snowman just had to jump in last sec and cheese his silly grin. I hope he feels proud of himself taking up the whole picture. This is what I have to wake up to every morning. He’s lucky that he’s one of my oldest stuffed animals (er.. snowman) and that I’m the sentimental type. He’s been with me through all of my nightmares when I was little (and some now) and put up with many nights of drool and accidental attempts to squash him flat while I toss and turn. Yes, he’s quite the knight in shining armor (er.. snow). So I figured that I’d allow him to steal my doggie’s photo op at least this time around. Because I mean, how do you say no to a face like this?

For all you photography enthusiasts out there, this was taken with my panasonic lumix dmc-f9.

Reflections.05
“Good Tired”

They say that good tired comes from a day well spent and that’s exactly how I feel about the year as a whole. Lessons learned have developed from numerous things and people that have played a part in my life. I can truly say that I have grown this year- through heart, mind, and soul. This goes without saying that this year hasn’t been all fun and games but mind you that “well spent” doesn’t imply a smooth ride. On the contrary, the sweeter things in life are more appreciated after surviving some lows.

Changes… there have been many this year and although I don’t usually deal well with change, they occur anyways. Looking back I have to admit not all were that bad. Some have been enriching and others just difficult. But this year in particular, they have been prevelant. Sometimes the changes occured so quickly that I find myself desperately trying to hold onto anything that is familiar. Some like a fast paced world, but I tend to gravitate towards things that are constant and true.

People… I’ve met so many this year. There have been those who I am forever grateful for by simply believing in me and giving me a chance. There have been many that enriched my year with their kindness by showing a newbie such patience. I’ve made many new friends this year and rekindled relationships with certain old ones. I am truly fortunate to know such wonderful people who are so incredibly special and unique.

Friends… so many of my closest ones have moved away either for exciting new careers or nobly fighting the war. Being an only child, I have come to treasure my friendships for they have become family to me. No matter how far away they are, I hold them dear to my heart because no matter what changes occur in my life or theirs, our love for one another is always constant and prevailing. I am also thankful for those who have bravely befriended me this year. I can’t wait to share the many giggles, tears, chats, and hugs that are sure to make my new year worthwhile.

Faith… it’s what keeps me going. Faith in God. And faith in myself.

This has truly been an incredible year that I will always remember. It has been a Dickens sort of year for “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness”. All in a memorable year. And with that my friends, I bid you adieu and a happy new year. May it be filled with love, success, and lots of laughter.